Today is the penultimate day of my month long project to do something different and new everyday. And it almost turned into a bust.
I started out by having a "secret word" for the day. I was a big fan of Pee-Wee's Playhouse growing up. This stemmed from my love (which continues to this day) for Pee-Wee's Big Adventure. I wanted a special bike like Pee-Wee, and I wanted to live in a house where the chairs talked and friends said "Mecca lecca hi, mecca hiney ho." I wanted...to have a secret word of the day.
This morning, I selected the word "Presidential." It is the name of our largest scholarship competition that we are getting ready to host, and I figured that it would be a very prevalent word. Unfortunately, the meeting that we had regarding this competition was attended by many of the vice-presidents at my university. I figured that it would be detrimental to my work status if every time they said the secret word, I responded with my arms flailing and ringing bells. So I had to give that one up pretty quickly.
Then, inspired by a recent Geico commercial, I tried to put a Slinky on an escalator. I went over to the University Center on campus and put one of my Christmas stocking stuffers to the test. I put the Slinky on the up escalator, thinking that it would hop down to the next step, which would be coming up to meet it, thus remaining locked in place.
Apparently, Geico commercials are fake. The Slinky/Escalator test was a complete and total failure.
As I'm so close to finishing this project, I didn't want to mess it up. I had to find something that I had never done before. Finally, at the end of my rope, I realized that I had to go to outside help. And that meant calling a psychic.
I've seen advertisements for psychic hotlines since I was very little, but I've always been skeptical of people who advertise their second sight. I remember the fake Jamaican accents being lampooned on sketch comedy shows, and the lame commercials promising the answers to life's biggest riddles. I've seen the horoscopes, but I've felt that following the teachings of Calvin and Hobbes was a better use of the Sunday paper. And fortune cookies, to me, are only complete after adding the phrase "in bed" to the end of them.
With that being said, I decided to put aside my skepticism and dial a psychic. I picked the first number that I found online that was "reputable." The website, California Psychics, said that they provided answers on "your love, career, and destiny" questions. As I feel like I'm doing alright on the "love" front, and as long as my destiny turns out to be "the one who shall bring balance to the Force," I don't have any further questions about that. But will I end up running the university? Will I become a famous novelist? Am I bound for early retirement? That's the kind of thing that I would like to know more about.
I was put in touch with Chastity, who didn't sound Jamaican at all. In fact, she kinda sounded like a mom, which was disappointing. I was hoping for a Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil kind of experience, with a voodoo priestess channeling the spirits. What I got was decidedly more suburban.
Chastity (I hate using virtues as names...just awful) said that great success laid ahead of me. She said that I was due for a financial windfall, and that if I worked hard at my latest project, it would all pay off. Basically "just keep doing what you're doing." She tried to use fillers to keep the call going, but I hung up after I was charged too much.
I would have gotten a lot more out of it if she had sent me to the basement of the Alamo to find my bike...I told you I was a fan of Pee-Wee.
Going in to this, I knew that it was going to be a load of crap. Hanging up, I was left with a similar feeling. I believe that there are mystical forces in the universe, and I'm willing to bet that there are those of us out there that have a real gift. I just don't think you'd find them online.
Ultimately, I'm glad that she didn't say anything of value or that I could really take to heart. Because I have a lot to look forward to in these upcoming years. Life is full of endless possibilities that are right around the corner. I'd hate to ruin the surprise.
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